Memories...

For some reason I've suddenly been reminded of a memory from a few years back. It happened in my old Jetta, back when I was still in high school. It was grade 12, a couple of months after I'd been going out with my boyfriend.
After (or during, can't remember) one of our crazy make-out sessions behind the theatre (which is now closed, and that parking spot has a house on it), he said the L-word. I can remember my reaction... Shock. What do I do? What do I say? I settled for just kissing him again. This was back when I was still a virgin, and I can't help but think that was one of those major points in life, where each path would have taken me somewhere different.
Eventually I did tell him I loved him, some time later on. What would've happened if I hadn't? Would I be here right now, or would I have reverted back to my old self, gone back to friends who thought holding hands to be next nearest thing to a grave sin?
I suppose there's not much point wondering, that happened in the past, and there's no way to go back and change it. I don't think I even loved him when I told him I did, it was more of an infatuation than anything. Since then, I have come to love him, although now I'm wondering if I still do. How could I do the things I have and still truly love him? I wish I knew the answer. Then I could figure out what I should do with this messed up life of mine.