Sexuality & You....

Today's been a little weird for me. I suspect it's just the hormones being all crazy, as usual, but it's got me thinking about things. An article I came across online got me inspired to make a post for today that was actually mine, and not just a reference to some other site I'd come across. It got me thinking about sexuality in us crazy beings called humans.
I understand it's necessary for the continuation of the human race, and that everyone is a little different. I am just amazed at the differences in opinions that there are. Some people flaunt their sexuality, vying for supremacy in the vast arena of life. Others believe that it is something terribly wrong, to be buried deep inside and never spoken of, or, better yet, killed for the monster it supposedly is. Is it simply a matter of raising, of environment? Or is it just the way that each human is, varied the same as, say, looks or intelligence?
Personally, I believe that it is a combination of environment and individuality. True, if you are raised in a household that is open to sexuality, you will be much more likely to be open about it in return, but not always.
On this side of the world, we find ourselves part of a continent which was mostly settled by puritans, those interested in keeping sexuality a taboo subject. In reality, this is just going against nature. Sure, our civilizations set us apart from the animals, but to hide something which is so greatly a part of us, well that is simply ridiculous. If it weren't for the sexuality which so many are desperate to hide, there would be no "us". Humans simply wouldn't exist. It's an integral part of us as a whole.
Why, then, do so many of us refuse to acknowledge it, instead of embracing it as we aught? I understand that we can't run around with all our naughty bits hanging out, fornicating left and right, but we're human, the majority of us are above that, i should hope. But still, so many problems, marital and otherwise, would be nonexistent if we were just more open to our own sexuality, if we felt comfortable discussing it with others.
The internet makes this easier, in some ways. It is much simpler to discuss concerns and questions with someone whose face you cannot see, whose voice you can't hear. It's easier to just surf around, and find websites which have content to answer your questions, than it is to talk to parents, spouses, or friends. Since the age of the internet, the acceptability of one's sexuality has certainly become easier. You can find people whose thoughts are along the same lines as yours, who share your opinions, your concerns, and questions. You can find that you're not the only one that thinks a certain way.
I certainly have evolved since I first came face to face with my sexuality. I was raised in a household that did not discuss such things. When I was 13, my mother left, I suppose if she had any words of wisdom to impart to me, she didn't get the chance, as I chose to remain with my father. My father grew up in an age where such things weren't talked about. I suspect that he learned much of what he did well past the age I did. They left the schools to tell me about sexual education. I don't understand all those parents who are up in arms against sex ed in schools. It's a great idea.
Without it, I would have been left to fend for myself, to learn everything on my own. I would have, sure, but it's much easier to have someone explain it all for you, especially if your own parents are unable to tell you, for whatever reasons. I will admit, I was rather embarrassed to be learning such things, but fascinated as well. I've always been interested to learn new things, no matter what they are. With sexuality it was no different.
However, it took me some time to come to terms with my own sexuality. In fact, it was years from "the talk" that I actually became interested in myself. I suppose some way through high school was when I first began to get a taste of what I'd end up like now. I noticed certain males, but the mere sight of them was not enough to actually turn me on, not as I describe that feeling now. It was more books that did it for me, not movies, I have always had troubles relating with characters on screen, but on paper, they can often be as real to me as anyone in my life.
Come grade 12, my hormones had settled into the crazy pattern they are in to this day, and although I still really didn't understand sexuality, my body certainly did. The onset of this was surely triggered by my boyfriend, for whatever reasons. Since he was really my first sexual experience, and since I had been rather sheltered until that point, my own body and hormones were more or less in control, my normal rigid control over myself rather scattered. With his help, I realized what I was missing, realized the pleasure one human being could give another.
I still didn't really understand my own sexuality, but, thanks to him, I was on the road to it. At first, I was rather timid, having spent much of my last few years hearing about how evil sex was before marriage, etc., but soon I found that I could not hold myself back. I became accepting of the fact that I was no longer the person I was, and that I could not go back to that way of life. I had seen the other side, and it was beautiful to me. With that, I began to explore myself.
I would think about my thoughts and feelings on things, and experiment on my boyfriend, allowing him to explore in return. I discovered that I loved sex. Not just the act of it, but the rush of feeling which accompanies it. I loved the fulfillment I got out of it, of being able to let myself go wherever it took me. Of course, this was stalled when he decided he didn't want it as often as I did. I tend to be a bit insatiable, whereas he is content with once or twice a week at most. This hurt me, but, in hindsight, it opened doors for me. Last year his reluctance finally pushed me over the edge.
Those of you who have loyally followed my blog will know what I'm talking about. There was that first indiscretion. That first time I cheated, although I hate to put a word with so much stigma to it. I prefer to look at it as the time when I finally began to search for the inner me, when I finally started to come to terms with me as a sexual person. Since then, everything has slowly come together for me. I finally understand why I do what I do, even if I'm not always proud of it.
After I started college, I spent more time on the internet, reading about this and that, but a lot about sex. I realized that wanting to learn more wasn't that unusual. I learned as much as I could about everything I was interested in, being typical me, wanting to know it all. I talked with others, made friends with whom I could talk to without fear of being rejected. In my case, these people were mostly male, I suppose I have a brain patterned after your "typical" male more than that of a female brain.
Through all of this, I came to term with myself. I realized that if I didn't address my needs, my physical needs, that there would be consequences, that I'd do stupid things that I'd regret later on. Sure, it took a couple of mistakes, and a lot of reading, but I have finally come to terms with myself. I realize that although I could be the perfect, faithful girlfriend, I would be miserable. I need the variety, the attention, which I can sometimes only get from another male, someone not my boyfriend.
This hurts me, and would certainly hurt him so much if he were to know the truth, but I can't do much about it. If I did, well, I'd be even less happy about myself than I am now. At least I can accept my sexuality, where so many cannot. I can be honest with myself, as much as any human being can be.
I know this has been a very long read, but I hope you've found it worth it. Does it answer much? Well, not really, but the intent is to more get you to think, than it is to tell you anything. In truth, I find those are the best things to read. Those things that make your brain work, and keep you thinking about them long after you've finished reading them. I hope this has encouraged you to think about your own sexuality, and to encourage you to come to terms with your sexuality, as I have managed to do. I don't recommend taking my path, but rather, forge your own. Everyone is different, and everyone must discover themselves on their own.

Keys to a happy geek employee...

Is it really obvious that I've been doing a lot of Stumbling lately? Probably. Anyways, another little gem I've Stumbled upon which is so true...

A Note To Employers: 8 Things Intelligent People, Geeks and Nerds Need To Work Happily

Seriously, give me a workplace that addresses all those 8 areas, and I'll work for you. Forever.

Guess what I've found...

I've just found the ultimate alarm clock... Here

Something for the guys...

Guys... Take the time to go through this blog. Seriously. This guy has a lot of good points. He knows too much...

Just Keep the Change

I know...

I've been missing for ages. It's ok, I'm back now. For a while at least. I've settled in at my dad's, attempted to get a job, and all that fun. I've brought my computer with me, set up my own little network with the two computers. Need to find some game or other that we can play on the LAN, not sure what that will be yet. Maybe Company of Heroes.
That, by the way, is a great game. I'm tempted to stop writing this and play it instead. Seriously, it is that good. They've done some major work on it, with the latest patch, they've completely changed it. New version of it too. Going to have to buy that the moment I get the chance.
Now, you're probably wondering exactly what I've been up to. Well, I'm afraid that I've been rather busy. In fact, to write it all would take longer than I'm feeling like writing, and would be longer than you'd want to read. Let's just say I've been up to no good, as per usual, and leave it at that. Maybe later on I'll mention a few things, but for now, I have dinner and a game calling my name...